Violet Rays

            I absolutely love my privacy. It is hard to match how much I love being alone. I can stay in a room and live inside my mind for hours. Sounds insane, but I enjoy it. This is why college is so hard for me.

            In college there is no privacy. There somebody any and everywhere. I feel like somebody is stealing the one of the most precious things and it’s draining. Anything that I once thought or feel is something private becomes public and it upsets me so much. 

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College has less freedom, not more. I can’t choose what I want to eat everyday. I don’t have my own car so I have to depend on the MARTA or other people. I can’t just chill and blast music in my room whenever I want to. I can’t go to sleep whenever I want to without having to put my iPod in to block noise. It’s hard to be myself when I’m surrounded by the mainstream who constantly downcasts anyone who is different especially anyone socio-economically different. I feel more caged here than I do when I’m at home.

Love,

Leira Violet

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I have been pressure so much to go out and party. People are making it their obligation to take me to a party. They think it is some kind of sin that I haven't been to at least one. I think God will forgive me, so I'm not going to a party.

Just because everyone else likes to go out, doesn't mean it is for me. Last time I check I'm a separate Individual with my own likes, dislikes, dream, hopes, and fears. Do not force your beliefs down my throat. Yes, 'believing' I have to go to a party because I'm in college is a belief. I 'believe' I can have fun without going into that atmosphere.

"Oh you need to get out and go to a party."
I don't need to do anything. There is nothing a really 'need', other than the basic necessities of life. I'm not going to die if I don't party.

I don't care what anybody says. I'm going to do something else. Like Robert Frost, I'm going to take the road less traveled. That's me taking a stroll down the path few have taken. Where will it take me? I have no clue. So, I'm saying no. Call me whatever you want to call me.

On top of that, I haven't got all of my high school rebellion out of my system. Therefore, the more you say I 'have to', 'must', or 'should' makes me not want to do it even more. I hate it so much when somebody pushes something on me. It makes me hate it even more.

I'm not going to a party and you can't make me.

Love,
Leira Violet

For those who haven't read Robert Frost's The Road Less Traveled
ROAD LESS TRAVELED

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference


Robert Frost

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This is the beginning of a series of haikus about my college experience.

Can't wait for Christmas
There's less than 4 months 'til then
Dreams, private bathroom

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I am so homesick it is not even funny. I thought I was fine. It was until I slowed down to realize how much I miss my family. I just started crying out of nowhere. I wish I could stop. Thinking that my momma is going through the same thing only makes matters worse.

I don't really want to go home, but I don't exactly want to stay here. I just want any place that will give me a since of comfort. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb here and I'm trying my hardest to blend in. I'm confused on most things, but thankfully everyone here is nice which makes it easier.

I want my brother. I want my sister. I want my momma. I want my daddy. I want a friend.

Love,
Leira Violet

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Fear is a bitch. It can have you walking on eggshells or paralyzed to make a move. The possible repercussions of your actions glare over your shoulder, reminding you of how catastrophic your life can turn out at any wrong move. What do you do?

I’m at that point in my life. I’m looking at that ugly green monster everyday. The realization that the next 4 months will dictate the next 4 years of my life hit me and that scares the life out of me. Three choices. One, sit down and let fear consume life, just wait for the worst to come. Two, walk on eggshells and lose the chance to really experience life. Three, push through it, do what I can do, and let the cards fall as they may.

I think my choice is slightly apparent. Doesn’t mean that I’m not scared.
Love,
Leira Violet

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